End-of-semester blues

Usually, the effects of wintry weather and school drag hit me worst around February, but they've come a bit early this year. I'm tired, I'm grumpy at myself for being so lazy, and I'm ready to go home.

I've never had finals that are really bad, and this year's aren't bad, either, but I have to put in some work on projects. Like, yesterday. (And you know how "yesterday" is sometimes a poetic expression for times long past?)

There are lots of factors that have led to the end-of-semester blues:

• I failed NaNoWriMo for the first time in 5 years. I could write a post about how I had to re-prioritize, but considering my last post was a confident assertion of my ability to win...
• My healthy eating has been mediocre eating for quite a while and the last few weeks have had far more sugar in them than I would like. This makes me tired. Also, I have a new theory that coffee makes me depressed.
• I'm about a month behind on my daily Bible readings.
• Wise use of time has been something I've aspired to for a long time. But self-discipline is sometimes destroyed by necessity, and then it doesn't know how to pick itself back up once it has room to breathe again. Or at least mine doesn't.
• Currently, playing Bananagrams is more appealing than doing research on the Ottoman Empire. Much more appealing.

I'm ready for the semester to be done. I'm ready for Christmas. I'm ready to crochet presents, make pie, and watch Food Network with my cat.

But as an expression of the blues and as a way to defeat them, music prevails.

Last night I went to Taylor's annual Christmas concert, Sing Noel. And we did sing. I listed to marvelous music and words in languages I don't know, but the meaning is clear. This is a beautiful time of year for some reasons, at least. Music is a good place to start.

Also: Christmas.

Thoughts on Worship

Right now, I should be working on a story. I wrote the prologue this January, and now that I have a group for class counting on me, I need to get two more chapters finished. This shouldn't be too hard, but I'm struggling with what I want to happen combined with what works well.

So, to clear my head and get my writing mechanisms working, I want to write about something I've had problems with for a long time: worship.

I've always gone to pretty conservative churches, and as far as church music goes my family takes a conservative stance. Consequently, I have a hard time thinking of what is basically pop music in church as worship. Taylor plays lots of popular Christian music in chapel, and I've come to enjoy it for what it is: a large body of young Christians singing Christian music. Most of the songs I would consider very worshipful. My transition here was difficult, though.

I love to sing, and I'm pretty good at it. However, I'm used to singing in choirs. I'm also analytical and critical, which means that if one of the really off-key people happens to be standing behind me during chapel, I get very irritated and soon find myself in an attitude definitely not conducive to worship. I'm learning to get over this.

Today in chapel we had lots of prospective students, so chapel was all about Taylor Youth Conference this April. They opened with a Relient K song. I bristled.

And I really like Relient K -- but not in church. To me, there is a definite difference between Christian pop music and worship music. If we started singing Jesus Take the Wheel in church, I would leave, nice though it is to belt in the car. I doubt that lots of churches do this, but sometimes I think we're not that far off.

I strongly feel that the church doesn't need to advertise with music. We should not try to get people to like us because our music is just like the stuff everybody listens to. That's not how the church is supposed to be. But if any work can be an act of worship, which is also something I believe, what's the difference?

People doing what they are meant to do is glorifying to God. But does this mean that poorly-written, watered-down rock music is okay for a church setting of worship? Or am I just being a snob because I think "let love explode" is a terrible lyric? (I also really dislike the song How He Loves... poorly thought out word choice for the sake of being "poetic" and too much repetition for me.) Am I biased simply because I love the old hymns?

To use Christianese, it's a stumbling block for some people, me included.

Right now, I'm working at the front desk of my dorm. On the other side of the room, about ten people are gathered, sharing prayer requests and singing. There are two guitars and a variety of voices, some beautiful and some less than so. But they are indeed making a joyful noise. Every week, we sing many different songs. I like some more than others, but when I sing with these people, I do so with a worshipful heart.

It's one of the reasons I love my dorm. I'm thankful God has given me these nights of hall worship to look forward to. I think it's helping me approach corporate worship with a better heart. Will I ever reach conclusive answers? I don't know. But I'm learning much more about it here than I would have back home.

How do you approach worship?

Ocarina Christmas Carol 4 - a New Year's song

This one's been in my head lately and was really easy to do, especially because I have piano music for it and didn't have to copy it out of a hymnal, like I did the first two. No, it's not a Christmas song, but it still fits the time of year, and I love the words. So, Auld Lang Syne.

New Year's was more exciting for me when I was little because I would try really hard to stay up late. Now I'm more conscious of the passing of time New Year's symbolizes and what it means for my future. I pray this new year of mine be dedicated to God, because I certainly can't do this on my own. To those of you looking forward to the new year, resolving, trying -- good for you. But for old time's sake, think of the past. Think of the things God has done for you. Think of old friends. And think of how they affect your future.

Creative Projects/Scrivener Review

Home for the holidays means lots of relaxing time for me. I've been in a comfortable sleepy haze which has mostly been spent playing Mario Kart with my brother and visiting friends. Still, I've made room for ocarina practice and finished an ongoing art project. Before I wanted to be a writer, I wanted to be an artist. Interestingly, both these prospective professions were sparked by excellent teachers.

Now I have professors, and though I admire many of them, I'm largely on my own to decide what to do with my career. I'm supposed to be an adult now, after all. I love practicing music. I love drawing. And I love writing. Though I don't doubt that I want to be a writer, I'm starting to worry that my other creative projects might be taking my attention away from writing. It's something I need to practice more than music. It's something for which I need to make long-term goals.

Over my extended family Christmas, I talked to my NaNoWriMo-loving cousin about my novel. It made me realize just how much I love the ideas in my story. Since then, I've been thinking "Hm. I really need to start working on revision." But thinking isn't doing.

Last month, I downloaded the free trial of Scrivener, writing software aimed at breaking down big projects into small pieces. Since the tutorial takes about two hours, I didn't manage to get through it until we started the long drive back to Iowa. Scrivener is a major sponsor of NaNoWriMo, and one of the "winner goodies," at least in past years, is a discount on the software, which is already cheaper for students. My conclusion after going through it was that I'm not ready for Scrivener yet. I'm not at the point in revising where I can start writing scene-by-scene. But once I am ready, I'm getting it.

Scrivener has a ton of features useful for different styles of writing. One writer probably won't use all of them, but there's something for everybody. You can tag different sections by topic or character and then pull out only those sections. You can outline. You can attach different documents to notecards that contain summaries or to-do lists and see what work you have left to do at a glance. You can have documents inside folders which themselves contain text. If you're creative, you can use any number of the tools to work for you. For me, I'd probably have separate documents for all the major scenes in the outline view and then have to-do lists for each of the scenes in the notecard view. I'm particularly intrigued by the ability to track different sections by topics, keywords, or characters -- beasically, whatever you want to tag.

Or you can keep it simple. Outline, write scene-by-scene. Breaking it down is really what it's all about. It appears flexible enough to work not just for novels, but research papers, nonfiction, and other lengthy writing projects.

The only thing I was disappointed in was that the feature for taking notes on different documents just wasn't big or flexible enough for me, which is why I take written notes anyway when typing a story. I need the freedom to write all over the page, draw arrows to things and underline things without having to think about dragging boxes around or formatting. Having to do this by hand is okay by me, though.

If you're interested, I recommend getting the free trial and running the tutorial; after going through it, you'll know what features are good for you and whether or not you want to give it a try for real.

But like I said, I'm not there yet. Today is the day I start revising. I'm reading my novel through for the first time and taking notes on what needs to be done. I'll see what I need to do from there.

Ocarina Christmas Carol 3

This week I wanted to do something that would be a little trickier and particularly suited to the ocarina. I thought Fum, Fum, Fum would sound good on such a flutey little instrument.

I tweaked a few things the second time around to make it a little different. I've also been experimenting with my brand new four hole pendant ocarina from Songbird Ocarinas. It was a Christmas gift, and I'm delighted with it. I'm not confident enough with the new fingering system yet to try this song in it, though.

Being home is very relaxing. I've been baking, visiting friends, and doing a little more Christmas shopping than I'd have liked... but now it's Christmas. It's another day with the family -- and that's all I need.

Merry Christmas -- for real this time!

Ocarina Christmas Carol 2

This weekend I'm at my grandparent's house, getting ready to enjoy extended family Christmas. Recorded from my grandma's office, here is Away in a Manger, two versions in fact.

I'm proud to say that I didn't need nearly as many takes to get a decent version of this one, though I was interrupted by my mother asking me to look up the Alton Brown recipe for standing rib roast (Alton Brown's Good Eats is one of my favorite things ever).

Though I'm really excited to see all my family, I'm still in Indiana, and I can't wait to get back home to Iowa. In the meantime, I'm enjoying myself, despite the fact that people in Ft. Wayne are crazy drivers. So soon -- home! Until then, merry Christmas!

Ocarina Christmas Carol 1

As promised, here's my first Christmas song on my ocarina.

Even though it's pretty easy, I could still tell I was improving as I practiced. When I walked back from the music building where I recorded it, the ocarina came off its neck strap and fell on the sidewalk. I was momentarily terrified, but the glaze only chipped a bit. Thank goodness it's sturdy!

I haven't really done a post about writing in a while. I'm trying to get started on revising this year's NaNovel, which is something I've never done before. Last summer I gave a halfhearted attempt at revising last year's NaNovel, and I didn't get very far. Right now, I'm testing out Scrivener, some pretty interesting writing software I think might work for me. Expect posts on that soon. In the meantime, I wish you a merry Christmas!

Music and Goals

This is our last weekend for performances of A Christmas Carol. Our last show is tomorrow afternoon, and I'm sure I'll be both happy and sad it's over. I'll miss the community of it, but now I might have time for community in some other things.

NaNoWriMo is also over, which takes one big chunk of work out of my life. Finals are two weeks away, but right now, I've got some room to think about things and plan.

I've realized lately what goals can do in a person's life. Deadlines have become significant to me through NaNoWriMo and the warnings of my writing professor ("'Deadline' is a literal, not a figurative, term. It means 'pass this line, and you're dead.'"), but goals are a way of putting deadlines with some positive connotations in your life. It means something you've wanted to accomplish is finished. It means you've improved yourself or your skills.

To that effect, there's something I've been working on lately. I love music. I have a decent voice and I play flute, but I've always wanted to play piano. I started practicing by myself in high school, but I think I've improved a lot with the free access to practice rooms here. It may not be Billy Joel's Dublinesque, (which I will be able to play before I die!) but this is a song I've been practicing for some time. It's A Day Without Rain, by Enya, not without some mistakes. I also need to get out of the habit of looking at my hands, but I'm happy with what I've accomplished.

So, with setting music goals in mind, I've got another idea. I own an ocarina which I don't play very often. (Yes, they exist outside the realm of Hyrule.) In light of the Christmas season, I plan to learn a new Christmas carol every week and post it here to the blog. I still need to pick what songs I'm going to do, but I'm excited to have a new goal and to be working toward something.

Musicals

I make fun of chick flicks. My sister hates watching them with me because if I don't like them, I do nothing but make fun of the characters and ruin all the romantic moments. It's a kind of sappy I can't stand. I can, however, sit through the cheesiest of musicals without a single insult. I will shed tears. And when the happy ending comes, as it inevitably does, I dance and sing around the house for hours afterward.

Taylor Theatre's current production is A Christmas Carol. I have about as small a part as there is (yes, yes, "there are no small parts in a show"), but I delight to be part of the production. Tonight, we got our first standing ovation. Then we had our cast party. I was on my post-musical kick, being hyper and singing all over the place, and then I heard the best news I have in a long time.

There is a musical of Lord of the Rings.

I'm pretty sure my heart stopped.

Over the next few weeks I'll listen to it over and over again and learn everything there is to know about it, but I doubt I'll get used to it. I will never lose sight of that joy I find in a good musical. My all-time favorite is Les Misérables. I'm pretty much obsessed, and the joy it gives me never goes away. Every time I listen, it's still wonderful. From the few songs I've heard of the LotR musical, this one seems to evoke the same kind of feelings in me. What beautiful songs! What a wonderful story!

One of the things that I think makes a really good musical, movie, or TV show that started as a book is that it keeps the feel of the original story while being successful in its own medium. Les Mis did that and then some. As a huge LotR geek, I pick at the movies a lot, but I love them and appreciate them.

Here's hoping the LotR musical succeeds in that way. My sappy heart could use another musical.

A Piano Recital

In my last post, I mentioned practicing the piano. This is not to keep in piano-playing shape or refine a particular piece. This is me muddling through a book of scales and exercises I checked out from the library because I want to be able to play real music. At the top of my bucket list is "learn to play Billy Joel's Dublinesque." I adore that song, and I will master it before I die. For now, I might try a different scale.

It is homecoming week here at Taylor, and there have been all sorts of activities and events. Tonight, I went to a piano recital. The alumnus playing was Dr. Richard Fountain, a piano professor with an impressive list of accolades. Though I love music, I am far from an expert, especially on the heavy-duty classical stuff. Still, what I heard tonight was enough to broaden my mind. At times he played so loudly I thought the keys would break. I wondered if people outside the building could hear it. And then the music would drift into silence. Sometimes I thought it was finished, but another part would come trailing around from behind the reverberations. Sometimes the song was long enough that I'd get lost in thoughts, and I'd come back and find that I was still there, in a hall of music. Later, it would occur to me to wonder how long I'd been sitting there listening to a single song. The piece would go on, and it wouldn't matter.

I am delighted that my God made music. I can't imagine any greater created system on earth. Someone sitting in that recital hall might have known more about the pieces or composers, but I could enjoy it as everyone did, because music is something all can love. Isn't that wonderful?