Right now I am working on several big things. The most notable of these are the musical and NaNoWriMo, but there's also the day-to-day classes, intramural soccer, classes, and Bible study which make up the dividable portions of my day. But among all these big things, and in part because of them, are scattered many little things. According to Wikipedia, the phrase "the devil's in the details" came originally from "God is in the detail." There is a slight difference in the meaning, but for me, I know God is in the details in my life.
Let me explain. Right now, I have so many things to do and monitor and work on, and I know I can't have gotten through so well as I have been by myself. Little things keep falling together. Small circumstances happen in such a way to remind me of this, help me with that, inform me of other circumstances. Sometimes I'm just barely hanging on and getting through, and if I could I would just lie in bed and not get up. But something's keeping me going, and it's not me. It's all the things that happen, like a friend asking after me at just the right time, or being able to help me at the right moment. It's when things go well in rehearsal just when I'm about to cry in frustration. It's when the thousand "Help me God, I'm drowning" prayers are answered more abundantly than I could have imagined. I am so glad that someone other than me is directing that I can hardly express it.
I can't imagine what my life would be like without God right now. How else could I come up with 1,667 words a day, get all my homework done, play soccer about three times a week, not oversleep, rehearse for five or six or seven hours a night, read, and maintain some form of contact with my friends and boyfriend?
And I know I'm not the only person who feels overwhelmed. The whole cast of the musical is probably there right now, as well as countless people you may know who will never read this, people here at Taylor and people on opposite sides of the country. Some people may need more help than I do, in the big things and in countless small things.
In God all things hold together (Colossians 1:17). I hope you can see it in all your small circumstances and all your big projects. I hope He remains your vision in your difficult times. Because really, who do you want to be in the details?
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Nice
Perhaps it's odd, but I'm always surprised when anyone tells me I'm a nice person. I don't think I'm a horrible person, and I know I'm not really a mean person. But I am a fairly antisocial person, and whenever I act friendly and polite just because I should I feel like I've somehow tricked everyone.
Right now, I'm surrounded by nice people. An overwhelming mosh pit of friendly, caring, genuine and loving people. It's almost terrifying. And it's welcome weekend, which means I am constantly doing activities with these terrifyingly fantastic people.
I came to Taylor knowing, at least in my head, that I was going to change and grow. But I kept those thoughts separate from the rest of me that thinks I like being a lonely person who tells no one anything and fixes everything herself. When I think of it like that, I can again tell myself I'm not a horrible person. Disaster averted. But it's one short slip and a fall from there to condescension, then looking down on others, and all sorts of secret sins which are so easy to slip into.
Maybe this was buzzing in the back of my mind as I tried to smile and be nice to everyone yesterday and decided I couldn't. I was tired. I wanted to be alone. I was trying not to cry all through the afternoon, and by the time we had all-campus communion, I could only think Please God, help.
I wanted to not only be nice, but love the people around me as I knew they loved me. I could tell, because all the wonderful girls from my dorm took care of me. One prayed for me to have peace. And I found it.
Today is another stressful day, but it's been tempered with understanding. I have to come to rely on the people around me, and more importantly on God. I should have figured out by now that I can't do this on my own. It's not about being nice. It's not about trying to smile. I just need to love these people for who they are -- which is easy enough.
Right now, I'm surrounded by nice people. An overwhelming mosh pit of friendly, caring, genuine and loving people. It's almost terrifying. And it's welcome weekend, which means I am constantly doing activities with these terrifyingly fantastic people.
I came to Taylor knowing, at least in my head, that I was going to change and grow. But I kept those thoughts separate from the rest of me that thinks I like being a lonely person who tells no one anything and fixes everything herself. When I think of it like that, I can again tell myself I'm not a horrible person. Disaster averted. But it's one short slip and a fall from there to condescension, then looking down on others, and all sorts of secret sins which are so easy to slip into.
Maybe this was buzzing in the back of my mind as I tried to smile and be nice to everyone yesterday and decided I couldn't. I was tired. I wanted to be alone. I was trying not to cry all through the afternoon, and by the time we had all-campus communion, I could only think Please God, help.
I wanted to not only be nice, but love the people around me as I knew they loved me. I could tell, because all the wonderful girls from my dorm took care of me. One prayed for me to have peace. And I found it.
Today is another stressful day, but it's been tempered with understanding. I have to come to rely on the people around me, and more importantly on God. I should have figured out by now that I can't do this on my own. It's not about being nice. It's not about trying to smile. I just need to love these people for who they are -- which is easy enough.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)