Soccer for Geeks

Yesterday I played my third-ever game of soccer. I am not a sports person; though I loved the outdoors as a kid, I was much more often caught reading than kicking around a ball or playing with other children. Still, when my dorm was trying to find people for intramurals, I went "Hey! I played soccer once! That could be fun!"

My team is small and rather unpracticed, but their combined experience and understanding is much greater than mine. However, I might be able to give some information to the rest of you geeks who don't understand it either.

• Defense means you try to stop the other team from scoring. Offense means you're supposed to try and score. (Okay, I admit I knew this from football. Being in marching band, you pick up on a few things in the game.)
• You should not get distracted by apparently owner-less little dogs that run onto the field.
• For our intramurals, the opposing teams wear "light-colored" shirts and "dark-colored" shirts. This is a fine idea, except some people decide to wear a sort of middling grey that they think is close enough to one side or the other. To be safe, don't pass to these people. It looks like they don't want to be on your team anyway.
• Fate is kind to the people who go out of their way to kick the ball back to your field if it intrudes on theirs. A goalie on the field next to ours did that, and while he was so engaged someone tried to score and thankfully missed.
• While you should practice scoring shots with your goalie to warm her up, it is not wise to kick the ball in her face 30 seconds before the game starts.
• "Mark her!" involves no markers at all. It means you're supposed to watch the person on your side of the field who wants the people on her team to kick her the ball. (Hope that she's wearing a light-colored shirt instead of a middling grey one, just so you're sure.)

That about sums up my soccer wisdom. I understand that there are geeks who know how to play soccer -- indeed, where I come from, soccer is the sport all the homeschoolers come out to play -- but this geek is still learning. Feel free to share your wisdom!