Don't fear the g-word

I have approximately nine months left of my college education.

This revelation, far from bringing excitement to my fellow seniors, seems to be paralysis-inducing. For many seniors I know, the g-word generates almost as much consternation as an f-bomb at afternoon tea.

I'll admit, looking into a future full of nebulous possibilities is a little weird. However, I'm very much looking forward to graduating.

Consider this: another meaning of the word “graduate” is to change slowly, or even to mark by steps. Change happens. People take classes and then work and get married (or not) and will change, even if they don’t want to, even if they try their best not to.

Some people, looking at those changes, are afraid that all that’s come before will simply be the accumulation of failure. After four years of college, they’ll be stuck with debt and a job search, wondering if it was worth it.

I believe it is.

I don't think that four years of thinking, writing, trying and failing, managing my own money and time, and working harder than I ever have could be wasteful. Graduating will be one step in my graduation. Since I’m always changing, what’s one more change?

It's almost like a divine metaphor.

And remember, new territory isn’t anything to be afraid of.

 ^“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

—Joshua 1:9

Nine months more.

Judging you

For me, the theme for this past year at Taylor has been "this place is not perfect." I'm one of those people who will gush about our intentional community and servant leadership, but this does not stop the cracks from showing. Though Taylor University for me has been a haven and wellspring of Christian fellowship, I'm learning more and more that this isn't the case for everybody. People have been hurt. Some feel isolated or unwelcome, judged.

Not all Christians act like Christians. But if everyone at Taylor were perfect, complete with perfect administration and academic systems, everyone would be happy all the time, right?

Actually, no. Because there are people who, no matter how worshipful the worship or kind the leaders or amicable the students, do not want to be part of it. And there are people who are hurt and don't know how to enter into the Body. These problems need to be addressed with love and prayer.

And then there are people who give out judgments like candy on a parade, and their counterparts: people who complain about how everybody judges everybody. These also need to be addressed with love and prayer -- and, I think, in the spirit of love, just a little mockery, too.

It's okay, I'm going to start by mocking myself. The following are just a few judgments I make on a regular basis and the things that instigate them.

Crowd screams for someone making an announcement during chapel.
Judgment: Yeah, okay, they're from your wing. Shut up already.

Someone I know makes an announcement during chapel.
Judgment: Whoohoo!!! This is worth getting excited over!

Loud male voices are heard outside.
Judgment: Broho boys are up to something... 

Person whooshes past on a longboard.
Judgment: Insta-cool points. You appear to be a free-spirited individual who cares not for the social constraint of having to actually walk with people.

Pants are purposefully worn to show underwear and belted so they stay that way.  
Judgment: Obviously you don't know the purpose of pants or how to wear them.

Combination of the previous two.
Judgment: ..... I no longer know what to think of you.

These things probably say more about me than I know. Are any of these assessments in any way justifiable? Am I the problem at Taylor?  Do we make up more problems than actually exist?

My point? Love people. Don't assume too much. And don't neglect to notice when you're the one doing the judging.

An Everything Post

I've failed as a blogger for the last month or so. I plead busyness, though no one is accusing me but my conscience. So, here is an explanation of things that have been going on in my life, partly as a means to reflect and partly to organize:

• I was props assistant for Taylor Theater's last play of the season, Noises Off! I'll be replacing our current props master next year. The play was hilarious, crazy, and tiring, and being part of it taught me a lot about how theater is run. It's also making me anticipate craziness for next year -- I've got some organizing to do, and it will be a significant time commitment. I'm excited to see what I can come up with.
• For my professional writing class (my major), we finished book proposal projects. We were divided into publishing houses and had create and pitch a book. Since I had a finished draft, I was the author for my group. I had a great team to work with who did wonderfully on the marketing and business aspects. However, I had to take a long hard look at my NaNoWriMo draft and get some organizing done so I could include an outline, chapter synopses, and finished sample chapters for the proposal. Now I have a plan for actually finishing the draft, and my goal is to submit it to a publisher by my birthday in February next year. By the way, it's called Void. Here's the cover I made for it:

Four hundred years ago, an uprising threw down a selfish, near-immortal government. Now, it’s been replaced by the Void, a tyrannical empire that suppresses all advanced technology except for that which it keeps for itself.

Still, there are rumors – rumors of an immortal prince biding his time, and rumors of a force mustering to overthrow the government once more.

The child leader Atom, rebel engineer Sel, and idealist healer Cade seek to change the world order again. Heading the secret Underground, they work to retrieve the technology that may bring back the ghost of the empire past.

            But what is Atom hiding? What is Sel trying to reconcile? And who is Valer, the Beast who may or may not be on their side?

•  I've been busy with classes, but I've also made time to be around friends. Have I ever mentioned here how much I love my dorm and the Taylor community in general?  There are wonderful people here, and I meet more of them every day. I may have a terrible time remembering the names, but familiar faces are cheering.
• Though I've published book reviews at Christian Book Previews and Church Libraries magazine, I'm officially going to be published in a book for the first time (not counting a poem in fourth grade before I even really knew I wanted to be a writer.) It's a devotions book from Livingstone, and I'll be pleased as punch to be listed as a coauthor along with several of my fellow professional writing majors.
• Finals are this week, and then I go home. It's really strange to think I'll be home in a week, though I'll be happy to finally settle into our new house months behind the rest of my family. I also need to get a job, so that will be on the top of my list as soon as I reach Iowa soil. However, I'm still focused on Taylor University, finishing classes, and marveling at how my freshman year has gone by so quickly. Expect more thoughts on that soon.
• The main reason I'm at Taylor is that I want to be in a place where God is the focus. In high school I wanted that environment very badly. Being here hasn't disappointed. I have a great church and have learned a lot about the Bible from studying it in a classroom setting. The joy that gives me led me to add a Biblical literature minor. I've been getting to know the Word better, and that's opening up all kinds of pathways around me and in my mind. I don't think I'm the one picking where I'm going, though. Thank God.

 The mechanisms that produce writing in my brain heat up quickly. After weeks of not writing, my fingers are itching to keep going. Though I've been busy, I love expressing my thoughts here. For anyone who actually stops by here regularly, this is a good thing, because you can expect new material soon. Until then, happy Internet traveling.

My Life, My World

A few moments ago while texting my boyfriend, I mentioned how I just need to figure out specifically what I want to talk about for blog posts. His suggestion was "Your life!", so here goes.

Describing my life necessarily details many others. Recently, I've noticed how people assume a strange plurality of worlds. I think lives have similar properties. For example, in my professional writing class, I hear a lot about the "publishing world", the "writing world", et cetera. In theatre, our director tells us to clear our minds of things not in the "world of the play." How vast my life, that it encompasses so many worlds! Other than just the physical realm this mortal coil inhabits, I also live in the college world, the world of my dorm hall, the waking world, and whatever world it is where I have my daydreams.

And yet, according to John 15:19, I am not of this world. Huh.

People also have lives, or else they're told they need to get them. There are personal lives, sex lives (not that I would know), work lives, home lives, and I've heard it's possible to live the sweet life, the unexamined life, and even that elusive "real life", which apparently people like me haven't experienced yet.

But since I'm not of this world, I wonder if this life isn't mine either.  According to Job 10:12 and John 5:21, God (or the Son) gives life. It was given to me. I don't just have it. There's a purpose to it all. Galatians 2:20 is interesting:

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

So, what am I doing with this life I've been given?

At times, it feels like I'm just sitting tight, waiting to be given something to do. Sometimes I feel like I've been given a thousand things to do, and sometimes I pick those thousand things for myself. I think the gist of it is that I'm still learning. More even than writing, I feel that learning is the talent I've been handed along with my life. I absorb everything new in the hopes that someday I can use it. With all the parallels in this world, I really believe I can use all I've been given. And I've been given so many opportunities and blessings.

And, it's nice to think that contrary to what my younger brother says, I don't need to get a life after all.

God's in the Details

Right now I am working on several big things. The most notable of these are the musical and NaNoWriMo, but there's also the day-to-day classes, intramural soccer, classes, and Bible study which make up the dividable portions of my day. But among all these big things, and in part because of them, are scattered many little things. According to Wikipedia, the phrase "the devil's in the details" came originally from "God is in the detail." There is a slight difference in the meaning, but for me, I know God is in the details in my life.

Let me explain. Right now, I have so many things to do and monitor and work on, and I know I can't have gotten through so well as I have been by myself. Little things keep falling together. Small circumstances happen in such a way to remind me of this, help me with that, inform me of other circumstances. Sometimes I'm just barely hanging on and getting through, and if I could I would just lie in bed and not get up. But something's keeping me going, and it's not me. It's all the things that happen, like a friend asking after me at just the right time, or being able to help me at the right moment. It's when things go well in rehearsal just when I'm about to cry in frustration. It's when the thousand "Help me God, I'm drowning" prayers are answered more abundantly than I could have imagined. I am so glad that someone other than me is directing that I can hardly express it.

I can't imagine what my life would be like without God right now. How else could I come up with 1,667 words a day, get all my homework done, play soccer about three times a week, not oversleep, rehearse for five or six or seven hours a night, read, and maintain some form of contact with my friends and boyfriend?

And I know I'm not the only person who feels overwhelmed. The whole cast of the musical is probably there right now, as well as countless people you may know who will never read this, people here at Taylor and people on opposite sides of the country. Some people may need more help than I do, in the big things and in countless small things.

In God all things hold together (Colossians 1:17). I hope you can see it in all your small circumstances and all your big projects. I hope He remains your vision in your difficult times. Because really, who do you want to be in the details?

Late Nights

As I understand it, college students often stay up til two or three in the morning or later. I can't do that. If I go past midnight (like tonight), weird things start happening. Hyperness sets in. The internet calls. And when I crash, as I inevitable do, the day following is full of mini-crashes, particularly around three or so in the afternoon.

I am naturally a morning person. For that to work, though, I need a good night's sleep. A slow groggy waking is the enemy of those of us who can annoy people with our morning cheeriness. It turns off our smiles. It demands sweatpants and hot beverages. It makes us morning people ..... grmphple.... just like everybody else.

This next week I am going for an 11:30 bedtime. In theory, this should get me eight hours of sleep, quite the sufficient amount. The reality is, though, I will be up reading or writing, and when that quits, my mind doesn't. I check my roommate's glowing clock across the room. 12:36, again?

The cure seems to be to slowly shift cycles back to my natural equilibrium. But college life is against me.